I love the song I posted above. I think it’s because it’s so honest. (no pun intended.) Lately I’ve been talking to my friends about being honest; About not waiting to say the things you’ve always wanted to say, because you are afraid of how the other person will react. If what you are trying to do and say to someone is said out of love, then there is no shame in that.
I was looking into some quotes on Friday and there were two that I really liked. In this first one the speaker is talking about a company changing and what had to be said to some employees. They were afraid of changing and learning new things and this is a sample of what kind of conversation needed to happen.
I think that example applies to us here. If there is fear, counsel with someone. A person who is in a position of authority can invite a person to express what is making him or her fearful. That process is the only way to discover what skills you do not have for where you need to be. Leaders can help you with that. But if you refuse to upgrade your skills, and if you insist on just doing what you have always done, then we cannot help you. In essence, you will make the choice to leave. I think it is essential to be that candid in conversation. I am not suggesting this is easy, but we have to talk authentically about what the need is so it can be addressed.”
I work in HR and it’s all about having crucial conversations. Sometimes sugar coating things doesn’t help anyone. The hard part is that we’re all humans, we all have emotions, and we can’t determine how someone will react to what we’re going to say. This is where free agency comes in.
We had a training a few weeks ago about having candid conversations with people in our lives. If we go to someone and say what we need to say by getting rid of our emotions and expressing ourselves, if they choose not to change, then we can move on and know we’ve done all we can do.
Here is another quote that I read and really liked. It’s similar to the one above and pertains to a business setting.
“A principle that is hard to hear but resonates as true: when we fail to give needed correction or counsel, it’s because we’re thinking of ourselves. We normally think, “Well, you know, I don’t want to hurt this person’s feelings.” No, that’s really not true; you just want to be liked. And the reason I’m not going to tell you what really needs to be said is because I don’t want to be viewed negatively or fall into disfavor.
It is far more loving to appropriately provide correction and counsel than it is to duck the issue… Nobody cares about getting credit; nobody cares about being right and getting credit for being right. People just care about getting it right the way the Lord wants it. And therefore, you can really say what needs to be said, and you don’t always do it in the best way or the smoothest way, but nobody’s looking for reasons to be offended or to take umbrage. You’re just, OK, fine, let’s get to this.”
When I was at a training a few weeks ago, I thought about a friend that I met about 8 years ago. We were best friends for about a year and then something came between us. People were upset and felt like they had to choose sides. I remember what some of the fight was about, but what mattered back then, doesn’t even make a difference now. We got in a huge fight and didn’t talk to each other for about a year. If we did speak, we’d just end up fighting.
About a year later after several promptings I looked her up on Facebook. I sent her a private message. I just started writing and said the feelings of my heart. It wasn’t glamorous but I honestly missed her as a friend and told her that and a lot more. I was kind of terrified that she wouldn’t write back or that she would and not reciprocate. I didn’t have her phone number any more, but I knew that if something bad happened in my life that I wanted her there. So I swallowed my pride and told her I was sorry.
She did write back and we had to rebuild our friendship from the ground up. It was hard and scary. It wasn’t the same as it was before, but I guess maybe in some ways it was better. She’s the only person I’ve had that experience with, but because of us both reaching out we ended up writing each other on our missions, going to each others family events, and are still friends 8 years later.
We all need color in our lives, but sometimes it’s best to take off all the false pretenses and be black and white.
There is one last video I want to share on here. It's possibly my favorite song from the musical "The Last Five Years." The song is called "If I Didn't Believe In You." The husband and wife are having an argument and the wife, Cathy, just locked her self in the bathroom. He starts talking to her through the door, and it's a very candid song. Every version is a little different, but I liked the feeling in this video. It's the closest to the original version. I really enjoy the entire show. There is a line toward the end that is said wrong. The lyrics are "I will not fail so you can be comfortable Cathy, I will not lose because you can't win." It makes more sense if you've seen the entire show, but I felt it also applied to this post. Enjoy!