The last month or two have been very hard for me. The sun hasn’t been shining as bright and it gets dark early. I feel like I’ve been fighting temptations I never even knew existed. I’m in a constant battle with myself and with everyone else. I wasn’t happy with where I was, but I didn’t know where else to go.
|You should be able to see mountains in the background|
I wasn’t sure how to explain all of this, and so I went back to the basics. I prayed with a lot more intent, I read my scriptures longer than usual, and I’d go to the temple for strength. I couldn’t understand why when I was doing everything right, everything was going wrong. I had inner turmoil, and the more I tried to figure out what it was, the farther away it seemed.
Yesterday as I got ready to leave my house to go to church, a thick fog quickly came and covered the valley. I’ve been in this kind of fog maybe once or twice in my life. I felt like I was in “The Hunger Games.” I got in my car and I started driving. I could see maybe only 2 feet in front of me. When I got to an intersection I turned left, and just prayed that no one else was coming from either direction. There was no one else around. I knew that there was a stop light up ahead, but I couldn’t see it, it seemed so far away. I finally could see it in the distance and changed lanes. I turned right and continued on my way. I caught up to a car that was in front of me. I wasn’t sure who was in it, but I didn’t want to lose it! It felt great to not be the only car on the road, and if it was in front of me, it could see what was ahead of us before I could. As we were winding up a long road it slowly began to get lighter outside. I asked everyone in my car “Is it getting brighter?” No one else saw it, but I did. The higher we climbed the less fog there was. When we got to the top of the hill we were above and outside of the fog. We finally made it to the parking lot, and as I turned found that the ground was covered by black ice. Somehow we parked without hitting any other cars and then skated to the front doors.
When I got inside I sat in awe of what had just occurred. I felt like that 10 minute drive perfectly described how I’d been feeling the last few months. I feel like that is sometimes how I view life. When I’m in the dark and can’t find my way, I forget that there is sunshine above me. I forget that the Lord can see through the fog and direct my path perfectly. As I went to pull something out of my purse I noticed something that I’d never noticed before. My purse had words inside of it. I’ve had this purse for well over a year and I’ve never noticed them before.
It said “Happy” and “Peace.” I don’t think it was a coincidence that the title of the lesson at church yesterday was “My Peace I Give unto You.” I really liked this story from the manual:
“In 1989, President Hunter had another experience during which he felt peace in a troubling time. He was in Jerusalem to dedicate the Brigham Young University Jerusalem Center for Near Eastern Studies. Several groups had protested the Church’s presence in Jerusalem, and some had threatened violence. One of the speakers at the dedication was Elder Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve, who later related this incident:
“As I was speaking, there was some excitement in the back of the hall. Men in military uniforms had entered the room. They sent a note to President Hunter. I turned and asked for instructions. He said, ‘There’s been a bomb threat. Are you afraid?’ I said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Neither am I; finish your talk.’’ The dedication services proceeded without incident; there was no bomb.”
I can’t say that I’d be calm in a situation like that. However I’m trying to live my life with more faith and less fear. A few weeks ago I was driving and a song came on the radio. I felt the message in the song so powerfully, that I had to pull over so that I could “Shazam” it.
Shazam is an app that lets you know the name of the song and the artist who sings it instantly, and saves it for you so you can look it up later. It comes in handy for the radio, or when you’re watching a movie. It’s been playing in my head non-stop for about a month now. It fits perfectly with a blog post I wrote about 6 months ago which you can link to here: I Love the Way You Hold Me.
If you’re feeling a little lost, and like you can’t see more than 2 feet in front of you, just remember that there are blue skies ahead. The storm will pass and the sun will shine again.