My friend told me a joke last week. She said, “Did you hear about the dyslexic Atheist?” I said, “Yes. He didn’t believe in Dog.” She said, “No, He didn’t believe in Santa.” I laughed pretty hard because I’d never heard it before and it was a holiday joke.
I’m not laughing now. In fact I’m kind of annoyed. I’m really annoyed. Like what is Satan’s deal? I think it’s because lately I’ve been trying to strengthen areas in my life that I’ve always let falter, and He doesn’t appreciate that as much as I do right now. He has messed with my mind way too much in the last year, and especially in the last month.
Fear is the opposite of faith. I’ve had to make some choices recently and I’ve been struggling way more than I ever have. I’m angry, worried, confused, and upset constantly. It’s a battle every day. Most of the time I just want to give up and say, “You win, can I go back to living a semi normal life now?” However lately I’ve wanted to fight back, and take back my mind and desire to actually do something.
While deciding whether or not to write this blog post I remembered a dream that I had a few years ago. I was in a house with a bunch of friends when suddenly the lights went out for no reason, and it was rainy and stormy outside. I didn’t know what to do so I looked around and found a table/desk and crawled underneath it. As I hid there I heard the door open and someone walk inside. I was terrified! The person walked around the room and came and stood right next to the desk. He said, “I see you.” The lights came back on. I came out from hiding to see a shorter very handsome good looking man. Then he looked right at me as if he was peering into my soul and said, “Elysha, I know who you are, I know what you are capable of, and you will not win.”
As soon as he walked into the door I knew who he was. I couldn’t see him at that point, but I could feel his presence. It was Satan. I was really surprised by how attractive he was. I had things to say to him, and I was ready to fight back, but as soon as I opened my mouth no sound came out. He had bound my tongue. He turned towards all of my friends and family who were all huddled together behind the desk. Because the lights had come back on, they weren’t afraid any more. He went and mingled with them. I tried to get their attention and tell them who he really was, but I couldn’t speak, and so even if I got their attention I couldn’t tell them what I knew. I was distraught and upset. I could see the evil lurking around them, but they had no idea. He was charming. They liked him. I wanted to help, but I couldn’t get to them. They welcomed him into their party and seemed to think he was a pretty great guy.
I was very upset when I woke up. I had forgotten about that dream, but it changed my life. It changed the way I looked at things, and it made me want to strengthen myself and those around me.
Flash back to tonight. I had a lot of options of what I could do tonight. I had a few invitations, and some were very inviting. However even though I know right from wrong, I found myself sitting in my car in an empty parking lot trying to decide what to do. It didn’t really take me that long to decide, but it took me longer than I would have liked. I decided to come back home at midnight and not stay out later with my friends. In fact earlier I told one of my friends, “I know you have to be at work in the morning. We really should be responsible and go to bed. Rain check? ” To which he responded, “When have I ever been responsible?” That was true. It was also kind of upsetting. It made my choice of coming home that much easier. I know he was probably trying to be funny, but it had the exact opposite effect on me.
I was happy with my choice, but the other choices seemed very inviting. Then this thought came flooding into my mind. Sometimes the hardest trials come right before something good comes. This is true for a lot of people right before they go on a mission. It was true for me. I’m usually confused and riddled with doubt. However, tonight I decided to “Doubt my doubts before I doubt my faith.” Then I thought of all the great young women’s lessons I could give one day all based solely on tonight. I decided to try to find the silver lining and for once in my life am actually excited about the future.
Instead of possibly making a poor decision tonight, I came home and blogged about it instead, and I realized that Satan knows us very personally. He knows our weaknesses and he knows how to make us second guess ourselves. He comes into our lives disguised as Santa with fun presents and sneaks in when we’re not looking. He brings new exciting gifts and thoughts and makes us wonder what might be inside. He entices us to try new things and “give no thought for tomorrow.” I guess he doesn’t know me as well as he thought he did. I gave some thought to tomorrow, and I’m glad I have nothing to be ashamed of or disappointed about.
This song sums up how I feel right now, and I wish I could share its message with everyone I know. It’s changed my life and its lyrics are powerful and true.