Elysha's World

Elysha's World

Monday, December 8, 2014

Friends of Convenience

I’ve got a million different thoughts running through my mind right now. There are a lot of different things I should be doing with my time. There is a lot of change happening in my life, and a lot of things I don’t want to take the time to think about let alone write down for the few people who read this blog post. 

I find it intriguing the number of times in the past few months that I’ve had to sit down and tell my friends the truth about themselves. That is a really weird sentence, so I’ll explain myself. I’ve had numerous friends that I love dearly come to me in the last few months searching for answers about what kind of a person they are. I’m honored that they felt safe enough to come to me, but then at the same time I don’t want to tell them because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. At least three of them talked about how recently their friends don’t want to hang out with them anymore. I am unfortunately usually one of those friends. 

I slowly start getting busier, and I see that particular friend less and less. I find other ways to fill my time. I find it’s easier to slowly step away from someone rather than sitting them down and telling them why I don’t want to hang out with them anymore.  I guess they eventually notice that we’re not talking very much anymore and they come over to talk. After about an hour of them talking and trying to figure out their feelings, I tell them that the reason we haven’t been hanging out is because they are a friend of convenience (or whatever it is that’s my reason) I’m always very real with them and don’t usually tell them unless they ask. It sounds harsh, but coming from someone who loves them, it usually makes a difference. I don't always love when people tell me things about myself that I don't see or understand, but when it's done with patience and love it makes a big difference.

What is a friend of convenience? Surprisingly we all have them, and at times we are that friend. They’re the friends that stop by to see you, and then end up telling you all about their life and their problems. You sit and listen and give them advice, and as soon as they feel better, they tell you they have to go, and they leave on to their next activity. They leave you sitting there a little confused with a lot of information to process, and you kind of wish they’d ask you how you’re doing. 

I have friends that do this every once in a while. Sometimes people just need to vent or talk through something. But with other friends this is my relationship with them, and that’s not really a relationship, it’s more like a psychiatrist and client relationship.  I hope I never make people feel that way. I’m glad to lend an ear to listen, and I love these people so I’m happy to help, but most of them are totally oblivious that they’re doing it, and surprisingly most of them are guys.

After they discover this they ask, “What can I do? How can I fix this?” I love people who are willing to grow and change! I often tell them that it won’t happen all at once, it’s a process just like everything else in their life. It starts with going over to their friend’s house and asking how their friend is doing. It’s not all about their friend, they can feel free to talk about their life as well, but it helps to even out the conversation and this way both people leave the conversation feeling a little bit better. 

On a different and totally random note I listened to two songs today that had to do with raining. I just feel like people are constantly going through trials in their lives and want/need to talk about them with other people. That’s great! We’re all on this Earth to help each other. Sometimes talking about it doesn’t change anything, and sometimes praying for these things to go away doesn’t do any good either. I love this talk by D. Todd Christofferson that helps us figure out how to slow things down and not look so far in the future. Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread. Sometimes we just need to take each day one day at a time, and learn to enjoy puddle jumping! 

I only added this picture because it makes me smile. We've got to learn to laugh at ourselves. Sometimes that's all we can do

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