I like to know what's going on all of the time. I probably check my favorite news station at least 10 times a day. Most of the time I don't know anyone who's involved in the news, but there have been a few times where the people in the news, are people who I've grown close to. That's always hard, but I've always felt that it's easier if I find out and then break bad news to those around me.
I was thinking this weekend about a time that I could have been the one on the news. I was living in my Great Uncle and his family for my senior year. I had been accepted into a charter school for the performing arts. They had a beautiful mansion of a house, complete with a movie theater room that I took full advantage of. I didn’t have a lot of friends at this time. There weren’t a lot of people in my high school that believed what I believed, and besides that there were only about 200 of us in the school. My graduating class was about 32 people.
I’m also not a huge nature person. I think it’s pretty but I’d much rather drive up to a beautiful lookout point than hike to the top of a mountain. My uncle thought it would be a great idea to go up to their cabin and go 4-wheeling. I told him that I’d never been on one before, but he told me that it was easy and that I’d have fun. He put me on this huge machine that was by far much larger and heavier than I was. We started driving, and while I was nervous, I thought I’d be okay. I’ve gone to funerals for friends who have passed away from injuries from flipping a 4-wheeler. I had all of these different thoughts running through my mind, but I just tried not to think about them and keep running.
At one point a truck started coming up the road we were going down, so we drove on the side and I felt I was going too fast. I tried to hit the brakes, but I couldn’t remember where they were. Instead I hit the gas and I started going faster. I didn’t want to run into the truck so I swerved and hit a tree stump that was all of the sudden in front of me. I flew off of my ride and hit the ground. Luckily I was wearing a helmet. I opened my eyes just in time to see the 4-wheeler flying over my body. Then I closed my eyes again and laid very still. I tried wiggling my toes, and luckily they moved. I wasn’t really hurt, just a little road rash and a lot of shock. My aunt came running over to me, and helped me take off my helmet. I sat up slowly and took in everything around me.
My knees were scraped up and I had a whole in my favorite sweatshirt. The man who was driving in the truck saw what had happened and kindly stopped his truck. They loaded me into the car and he drove me back to the cabin, while my family drove a different truck back to pick up the slightly broken 4-wheeler.
I felt awful. I couldn’t stop shaking or crying. I tried to call my mom, but she didn’t pick up the phone. I had so many thoughts and emotions I couldn’t keep them all inside, so I decided to grab a pen and paper and see what I could put down to clear my head. I'd done this many times before, but it had never seemed so dire, so important, that if I didn't let something out my head might explode. I started thinking about my life, how lucky I was to be alive. I wanted to explain who I was, what made me happy, and try to find out what made me so special and worth saving. This is what came out:
I’m the lightning after thunder
I’m the color in the scene
I’m the instrument in music
I’m the princess not quite queen
I’m the spot in the carpet
I’m the smell from a rose
I’m the author of the book
And the climax in a prose
I’m the tingle in the lip gloss
I’m the star of the show
I’ve got the door knob to happiness
And from the lamp I’m the glow
I’m the one who stands up
As I stand out
I speak for my standards
With pride, there’s no doubt
I’m the patch on old pants
I’m the ring on the phone
I’m the warmth from the sun
And I’m hope when alone
I’m the silence in secrets
I’m the sound in the wind
I’m the love in a heart
And I’ve been where you’ve been
If anything had gone differently, if the 4 wheeler had been one inch slower in turning it could have landed on top of me and squished me. When I talked to my aunt later, I asked her what she saw, and what had happened. She said that she heard a scream and saw me flying through the air. I hit the ground and the 4 wheeler was right behind me. She said she thinks the only reason it didn’t land on top of me, is because the 4 wheeler I was riding on had a foam/plastic back rest for the person sitting in the back, for when two people want to ride together. She thought that it had landed on that, and that is why it flew over me instead of landing on top of me.
This is just one of the many experiences that had taught me just how fragile life is. I was thinking just last night about what I would do if I only had five minutes to grab those things that were important to me, and then get out of the house? It kind of surprised me what I thought of. I would want to grab my purse, my laptop, and my binders with all of my writings in them. I’d only grab my laptop because I type my journal, but then I realized I could just grab my jump drive instead because I also save my journal online. Of all the things I own, the things I’ve created, that I don’t have saved anywhere else, those matter more to me than a closet full of clothes, or all of the cute shoes and DVD’s I have.
President Uchdtorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has spoken about how important it is to create.
I may not be the most talented or creative person out there, but I’m glad I’ve found something that I enjoy doing. It’s a way to express myself and sometimes even connect with deity. It’s not just the putting pen to paper that I enjoy. It’s seeing how it blesses the lives around me. We’re all God’s children, and we’ve been given gifts to help those around us. We’ve all been given different experiences that help us grow and be able to connect with different people around us. What are your talents? What makes you happy? Try to get back to that place. Find out what and where they are. It’s amazing what a force you can be for good.
I love this song by Hilary Weeks called "If I Only Had Today." I don't really care for the video, but I've listened to this song over and over again. I own her CD and I just feel good every time I listen to it. It show's once again what's really important. What would you do if you only had today?